Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We've got a Date!

Tuesday October 7th at 8 am. Hamilton, ON. That's where it is all going to happen. Yikes.

I have to admit, although I've been holding up pretty well in public, I'm a mess in private. Having a firm date for the surgery has somehow helped me emotionally. I have something to focus on, a date to aim for. It's hard to say how Judi is doing...she's at home all day. We have been talking a couple of times a day though.

The whole thing really hits home when she asked me if we could go shopping tonight for Daytona's birthday present (She'll be 6 November 1) just in case Judi isn't able to go shopping in time after the surgery. I can't imagine sitting at home knowing that there was a piece of me that was failing. And in the next breath I think, isn't it funny how we talk about replacing body parts like we're cars or something...if it doesn't work, we'll just give you a new one. Needless to say, my concentration is a little off these days.

I never imagined that my life could change so drastically (and I'm not the sick one) in only a few short weeks. I always wanted my own office, and now with Judi not here, I have one. Now I don't want it. Carl and I were trying to figure out how we were going to get Judi to retire - even the day before she had her heart attack he and I talked about it - but now I wish she were sitting in the desk beside me. It has become abundantly clear that I have depended on "my mother" not Judi to be in the office. The pile of filing is getting bigger, the pile of shredding is getting bigger, all the jobs I don't like to do that she does are waiting for me. I guess most kids go through this when they leave home. There is no one here to kick my butt, to get me to do the things I don't like to do but that need to be done. Man, growing up sucks. I miss my mom. :o(

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